As someone who is a fellow introvert attempting to transition to ambiavert, I love that you are willing to talk about Death, even when mixing it in with Life (aka, for you, the birds). I very much understand where you’re coming from-Death was with me before I was even born. What I mean by that is that my parents had a miscarriage a year before they had me. I was afraid of Death at first, because of how deeply I saw that the miscarriage affected my mom and rubbed off on me. But now, like you, I see it more as a friend and am not afraid of dying per se. Now how one goes out is a different story (and the idea of the loss and even feeling it is understandably scary), but I find the concept of death itself to be fascinating and dare I say beautiful at times (not in an intentionally creepy way, though, I promise).
You’re doing a fantastic job of writing about Death and Birds in a way that is beautiful and artistic. I’m looking forward to reading more of what you have to say!
Thank you so much for your comment, and for sharing a little about your (long-standing) relationship with death. It’s an extraordinary thought, to take in how wide and long lasting the repercussions of a single death can be—especially when one takes into account that, according to the ‘World Death Clock’, nearly 24,000,000 people have already died this year alone.
I can’t help but find it as comforting as it is devastating as, to some extent, we are all so deeply connect as humans by our grief alone, whether we’re able to feel into that or not.
No thoughts or feelings towards Death are considered creepy here, I promise you that. Thank you for your presence, Kimber 🪶
Wow. I love this so much please keep writing Death and Birds. Your self-deprecating humor and vulnerability and the way you warm up with natural grace to this ... why??.. are we not seeing death for what it really is, what it can be, maybe an opening and invitation to truly be here in the miracle minutes of every day life and nature. Also those sweet, delicate, musical birds. Thank you for putting beautiful words and context to some life-changing gifts my experience with and presence with death has brought me.
Isabel, my love, thank you so much for your encouragement, it means the world. I love your phrase, “miracle minutes”, that’s going to stick with me. So happy we get to be on this little journey together (by which I mean Substack, and existence) ♥️
Love this so much Chloe. Thank you for sharing. I’m looking forward to reading more. It’s soothing to read the way you write about it, makes it beautiful. Though I imagine a crippling pain whenever I am to come face to face with death or true grief. I feel more open to feeling that after reading your words. So much love to you.
Shereen, thank you so much for reading, and for your kind words. The crippling pain you mention speaks to your enormous capacity for love, and deeply loving anyone or anything is such a vulnerable act. Blessings on your journey, sweetheart. Biggest love, always 🪶
After my mom died, we found a scrap of paper that she had written on, titled "The 10 Most Important Things I Want My Children to Know and Learn." Numer 9 says "We are ingrained from birth with an aversion to and avoidance of death. But it is only the loneliness and the longing of being left behind that is difficult. Death is actually an advancement, a joyous promotion, which if we could, we should celebrate. Live each day with those you love as if it were your last together. Let there be no regrets, no unfinished business. And yet remember that the great principle of forgiveness exists. There will be time beyond the grave to finish all business, but peace and happiness can be yours whenever you want it enough." I realize this view depends somewhat on one's faith and belief of what comes next, but it was and has always been so comforting to me. That aversion lingers; heavens, I do not want to say goodbye, even for a short time, to the ones I love. But what an adventure to see what comes next.
Hi Hannah, thank you for sharing this, and bless your Mom for sharing her wisdom. I think that we (in the West, at least) used to be able to ‘be’ with Death very differently, more attentively and less avoidantly. It seems as though a perfect storm of events over the last couple of centuries has seen us lose much of that ability; not least, as your Mom spoke to, a loss of the belief that Death might indeed be an advancement.
The aversion is so understandable, especially when we are privileged enough to deeply love any one or any thing, but I’ve found that the more I sit with Death, the more my personal love for life deepens and clarifies.
Yes, like the way winter makes me appreciate spring so much more. It highlights all of the blessings and joys that are absent when the snow flies, and therefore when everything warms up again, it all seems brighter and more beautiful than it would have if winter had never come. And indeed, it is bright and beautiful because winter came. I'm trying to teach my children a respect and a reverence for death, but also a hope in the mystery of what happens next. Thank you for your thoughts!
Strong content Chloe - when/if people start “criticizing” you on the internet I think that means you’ve entered a new level of your success.
Physical suicide is obviously not the best choice - as a metaphor it can be useful when we need to shed some old skin. Never thought I’d be into reading about death - keep èm coming 🙏🏼
I felt your courage, Chloe, when I first read 'Death and Birds'. It is courageous, daring, to open up to 'death' which has been held in its shroud by us consciously and unconsciously for so very long now in our western cultures. Combining it with something as purely delightful as Birds is a flavour of joyful genius. And, I so understand your vulnerability to being judged. Each time I add any kind of note on substack I am fearful and challenged. Sometimes I write something and delete it before I post it. I am afraid that I will not 'measure up', that I am not profound enough, that I am not 'with it' enough. (Will I post this??)
I was terrified of death, saw death in the door, as I lay in a hospital bed as a young girl, again and again. As a young woman I suffered 5 miscarriages, several of them quite dreadful, in the same years during which I gave birth to my four children.
Now my first born, my beautiful wonderful daughter is living with terminal cancer. I will send her this quote from you, and invite her to journey with me as you offer your insight into 'Death and Birds'. She understands very much about Birds in her love of them, the hundreds and hundreds of them living just outside her door in the wild woods, and very little of Death which is now her time to learn about deeply. I am so grateful to you, Chloe, for offering me a way to talk with her about Death. (My gratitude is worthy of posting)
"My relationship to Death now is one of deep friendship. Death has my utmost respect. When Death appears in my life I honour it, and I honour the sacred space that opens up around it. I honour the way that it cracks people open, how it offers them the opportunity to feel things that they haven’t been able to feel before. I know that my own Death is something that has been with me, as imminent, since my moment of birth. Sometimes, when I’m sitting in the garden marvelling at the chorus of birdsong, I imagine my Death sat next to me, also taking in life, also knowing that it will, at some point, no longer be available to me. Death’s gentle presence reminding me to absorb the experience, as deeply as I am able. Death, ensuring that my tolerance for beauty and love increases exponentially.
Hey Rosi, thank you so much for your courage in sharing your comment (and for feeling and seeing me)!
I’m honoured to be, even peripherally, involved in your own journey, that of your daughters, and the sacred journey that the two of you are walking together.
My hope is for the many hundreds of birds living alongside your daughter to also be her teachers and friends in this season of her life; her love for them having already opened that door, of course. I send you, your daughter, and all her birds, much love 💗🪶
Hi Chloe! Am loving that death and your inner critic are just prowling about; and you're like, oh, it's just you guys! Write on! Not to be flippant, but not a fan of fear (or intimidation), which is what death and criticism feel like. So your your pen hits the paper, your finger the key stroke-they both step back. I like it!
Hi! Thanks so much for reading. Yep, Death & The Critic, they're always nearby! It's been kind of fund, building something of a relationship with them over the years. Especially as I'm now able to say, "Oh! That's an interesting opinion you have" while ignoring it entirely! Thank you for coming by, just mud :)
Because they are both a window on to the same thing? Something which is beyond thingness?
As to your inner critic, here's a formula which can be considered.
PREMISE: The more insightful the article, the smaller the audience.
If true, then using readers as a yardstick by which to measure quality may be an unnecessary error.
I recall Salman Rushdie once saying words to the effect that...
When a writer is young they measure their value by comparing themselves to other writers. And when they mature, they just write whatever it is they write, and leave the rest to readers.
Phil, I thank you. This is beyond helpful. I've copied the last four lines of your comment & have them on my notes to refer to. I'd love to mature as a writer and this feels like a beautiful goal to work towards - it seems so simple doesn't it, just write! The rest is up to everyone else, not my business... I'm glad to have this to keep returning to when my inner critic insists herself on my mind 🙏
“Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.” – Rilke
AND birds are mentioned too I just noticed. AND I had a spontaneous waking vision of a robin today randomly. So you know. Birds. Death. I think you're winning.
Anyone can talk about death and birds, but what you're doing here is so clearly meaningful to you and it really shows.
Thank you for opening up about your inner critic and the concerns you sometimes feel about writing. All I can say is that I'm very much appreciating and enjoying your work and there's nothing else quite like it on this platform. You're on a path here, and I'm very glad to be along for the ride.
Listening to Andrea Gibson's words this morning about their life experiences relating to about life and death, grief and joy reminded me of your piece - thought I would share this here as well:
Wow, Rain... thank you for sharing this. Andrea's framing and expression of their experience is no less than exquisite. It was so helpful to listen to this (and I'll no doubt listen again, and again), it helped me to see that my prayer for everyone is to have the ability to see through the lens that confronting mortality provides, maybe even without having to be given a terminal or life-limiting diagnosis. I so loved how Andrea's sister started to see the world again when she entered recovery. Maybe that's my wish, that we all recover from the illusion that what we're experiencing is not miraculous. And that poem, "I can’t imagine it, the stars say. Tell us again about goosebumps. Tell us again about pain." Thank you so much, Rain 🙏🪶
So glad you appreciated their words & the podcast. Loved "... it helped me to see that my prayer for everyone is to have the ability to see through the lens that confronting mortality provides, maybe even without having to be given a terminal or life-limiting diagnosis." Yes, indeed. Having this available to more without having to have this experience is my hope as well. I am fortunate I am able to support others in their work as well. I loved those parts as well. I was walking near some flowers and listening to birds when I was listening to Andrea talk about her sister's experience of clarity and vision and just smiled as I did similar.
I had a similar experience, I happened to be at my desk while I was listening and was watching a Mama Sparrow teaching her two fledging’s how to use the bird-feeder and was just so grateful to be witnessing it... The part where she says “Have you noticed that Mom’s eyes are green?!” 😭 So beautiful
Yes, it’s mind boggling, really. I suppose it speaks to the power of fear, and how disconnected fear can make us? We have two amygdala, I believe, one in each hemisphere of the brain. I wonder how each hemisphere relates to fear, if there’s a difference?
Yay for Death the Cosmic Goddess! Rapturous and Universal ♥️🪶
As someone who is a fellow introvert attempting to transition to ambiavert, I love that you are willing to talk about Death, even when mixing it in with Life (aka, for you, the birds). I very much understand where you’re coming from-Death was with me before I was even born. What I mean by that is that my parents had a miscarriage a year before they had me. I was afraid of Death at first, because of how deeply I saw that the miscarriage affected my mom and rubbed off on me. But now, like you, I see it more as a friend and am not afraid of dying per se. Now how one goes out is a different story (and the idea of the loss and even feeling it is understandably scary), but I find the concept of death itself to be fascinating and dare I say beautiful at times (not in an intentionally creepy way, though, I promise).
You’re doing a fantastic job of writing about Death and Birds in a way that is beautiful and artistic. I’m looking forward to reading more of what you have to say!
Kimber, hi fellow introvert!
Thank you so much for your comment, and for sharing a little about your (long-standing) relationship with death. It’s an extraordinary thought, to take in how wide and long lasting the repercussions of a single death can be—especially when one takes into account that, according to the ‘World Death Clock’, nearly 24,000,000 people have already died this year alone.
I can’t help but find it as comforting as it is devastating as, to some extent, we are all so deeply connect as humans by our grief alone, whether we’re able to feel into that or not.
No thoughts or feelings towards Death are considered creepy here, I promise you that. Thank you for your presence, Kimber 🪶
Wow. I love this so much please keep writing Death and Birds. Your self-deprecating humor and vulnerability and the way you warm up with natural grace to this ... why??.. are we not seeing death for what it really is, what it can be, maybe an opening and invitation to truly be here in the miracle minutes of every day life and nature. Also those sweet, delicate, musical birds. Thank you for putting beautiful words and context to some life-changing gifts my experience with and presence with death has brought me.
Isabel, my love, thank you so much for your encouragement, it means the world. I love your phrase, “miracle minutes”, that’s going to stick with me. So happy we get to be on this little journey together (by which I mean Substack, and existence) ♥️
Love this so much Chloe. Thank you for sharing. I’m looking forward to reading more. It’s soothing to read the way you write about it, makes it beautiful. Though I imagine a crippling pain whenever I am to come face to face with death or true grief. I feel more open to feeling that after reading your words. So much love to you.
Shereen, thank you so much for reading, and for your kind words. The crippling pain you mention speaks to your enormous capacity for love, and deeply loving anyone or anything is such a vulnerable act. Blessings on your journey, sweetheart. Biggest love, always 🪶
After my mom died, we found a scrap of paper that she had written on, titled "The 10 Most Important Things I Want My Children to Know and Learn." Numer 9 says "We are ingrained from birth with an aversion to and avoidance of death. But it is only the loneliness and the longing of being left behind that is difficult. Death is actually an advancement, a joyous promotion, which if we could, we should celebrate. Live each day with those you love as if it were your last together. Let there be no regrets, no unfinished business. And yet remember that the great principle of forgiveness exists. There will be time beyond the grave to finish all business, but peace and happiness can be yours whenever you want it enough." I realize this view depends somewhat on one's faith and belief of what comes next, but it was and has always been so comforting to me. That aversion lingers; heavens, I do not want to say goodbye, even for a short time, to the ones I love. But what an adventure to see what comes next.
Hi Hannah, thank you for sharing this, and bless your Mom for sharing her wisdom. I think that we (in the West, at least) used to be able to ‘be’ with Death very differently, more attentively and less avoidantly. It seems as though a perfect storm of events over the last couple of centuries has seen us lose much of that ability; not least, as your Mom spoke to, a loss of the belief that Death might indeed be an advancement.
The aversion is so understandable, especially when we are privileged enough to deeply love any one or any thing, but I’ve found that the more I sit with Death, the more my personal love for life deepens and clarifies.
And yes, what an adventure, indeed…🪶
Yes, like the way winter makes me appreciate spring so much more. It highlights all of the blessings and joys that are absent when the snow flies, and therefore when everything warms up again, it all seems brighter and more beautiful than it would have if winter had never come. And indeed, it is bright and beautiful because winter came. I'm trying to teach my children a respect and a reverence for death, but also a hope in the mystery of what happens next. Thank you for your thoughts!
Strong content Chloe - when/if people start “criticizing” you on the internet I think that means you’ve entered a new level of your success.
Physical suicide is obviously not the best choice - as a metaphor it can be useful when we need to shed some old skin. Never thought I’d be into reading about death - keep èm coming 🙏🏼
Thank you, James. If it ever happens that'll be a useful re-frame! Grateful to you for being open enough to take the topic for a spin 🪶🙏
I felt your courage, Chloe, when I first read 'Death and Birds'. It is courageous, daring, to open up to 'death' which has been held in its shroud by us consciously and unconsciously for so very long now in our western cultures. Combining it with something as purely delightful as Birds is a flavour of joyful genius. And, I so understand your vulnerability to being judged. Each time I add any kind of note on substack I am fearful and challenged. Sometimes I write something and delete it before I post it. I am afraid that I will not 'measure up', that I am not profound enough, that I am not 'with it' enough. (Will I post this??)
I was terrified of death, saw death in the door, as I lay in a hospital bed as a young girl, again and again. As a young woman I suffered 5 miscarriages, several of them quite dreadful, in the same years during which I gave birth to my four children.
Now my first born, my beautiful wonderful daughter is living with terminal cancer. I will send her this quote from you, and invite her to journey with me as you offer your insight into 'Death and Birds'. She understands very much about Birds in her love of them, the hundreds and hundreds of them living just outside her door in the wild woods, and very little of Death which is now her time to learn about deeply. I am so grateful to you, Chloe, for offering me a way to talk with her about Death. (My gratitude is worthy of posting)
"My relationship to Death now is one of deep friendship. Death has my utmost respect. When Death appears in my life I honour it, and I honour the sacred space that opens up around it. I honour the way that it cracks people open, how it offers them the opportunity to feel things that they haven’t been able to feel before. I know that my own Death is something that has been with me, as imminent, since my moment of birth. Sometimes, when I’m sitting in the garden marvelling at the chorus of birdsong, I imagine my Death sat next to me, also taking in life, also knowing that it will, at some point, no longer be available to me. Death’s gentle presence reminding me to absorb the experience, as deeply as I am able. Death, ensuring that my tolerance for beauty and love increases exponentially.
Hey Rosi, thank you so much for your courage in sharing your comment (and for feeling and seeing me)!
I’m honoured to be, even peripherally, involved in your own journey, that of your daughters, and the sacred journey that the two of you are walking together.
My hope is for the many hundreds of birds living alongside your daughter to also be her teachers and friends in this season of her life; her love for them having already opened that door, of course. I send you, your daughter, and all her birds, much love 💗🪶
Hi Chloe! Am loving that death and your inner critic are just prowling about; and you're like, oh, it's just you guys! Write on! Not to be flippant, but not a fan of fear (or intimidation), which is what death and criticism feel like. So your your pen hits the paper, your finger the key stroke-they both step back. I like it!
Hi! Thanks so much for reading. Yep, Death & The Critic, they're always nearby! It's been kind of fund, building something of a relationship with them over the years. Especially as I'm now able to say, "Oh! That's an interesting opinion you have" while ignoring it entirely! Thank you for coming by, just mud :)
You ask, "Why Death? Why Birds?"
Because they are both a window on to the same thing? Something which is beyond thingness?
As to your inner critic, here's a formula which can be considered.
PREMISE: The more insightful the article, the smaller the audience.
If true, then using readers as a yardstick by which to measure quality may be an unnecessary error.
I recall Salman Rushdie once saying words to the effect that...
When a writer is young they measure their value by comparing themselves to other writers. And when they mature, they just write whatever it is they write, and leave the rest to readers.
Phil, I thank you. This is beyond helpful. I've copied the last four lines of your comment & have them on my notes to refer to. I'd love to mature as a writer and this feels like a beautiful goal to work towards - it seems so simple doesn't it, just write! The rest is up to everyone else, not my business... I'm glad to have this to keep returning to when my inner critic insists herself on my mind 🙏
“Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.” – Rilke
"Just once."
Adam, my sincerest thanks to you for using Rilke’s always perfect words to sum up the essence of all this. For applying this profound lesson to Death.
I find myself inspired, anew, to meet my end with nothing but love for it. Thank you, thank you.
I related to the feelings of shame as someone new on substack :-) and one of my poems is about the cheery topic of death https://open.substack.com/pub/beyondparadise/p/death-is-a-loving-embrace?r=29g7sa&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
AND birds are mentioned too I just noticed. AND I had a spontaneous waking vision of a robin today randomly. So you know. Birds. Death. I think you're winning.
Thank you, Sam. I loved your poem 🪶
ta
Anyone can talk about death and birds, but what you're doing here is so clearly meaningful to you and it really shows.
Thank you for opening up about your inner critic and the concerns you sometimes feel about writing. All I can say is that I'm very much appreciating and enjoying your work and there's nothing else quite like it on this platform. You're on a path here, and I'm very glad to be along for the ride.
Thank you, Taegan. That really means a lot, especially coming from you. So grateful to have you along for the ride. 🪶
Listening to Andrea Gibson's words this morning about their life experiences relating to about life and death, grief and joy reminded me of your piece - thought I would share this here as well:
https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vd2NkaHQ/episode/ZDljOGQ4ZGEtMmE1OS0xMWVkLWIxYTYtNWY5OTRjNzljMTcw?ep=14
Wow, Rain... thank you for sharing this. Andrea's framing and expression of their experience is no less than exquisite. It was so helpful to listen to this (and I'll no doubt listen again, and again), it helped me to see that my prayer for everyone is to have the ability to see through the lens that confronting mortality provides, maybe even without having to be given a terminal or life-limiting diagnosis. I so loved how Andrea's sister started to see the world again when she entered recovery. Maybe that's my wish, that we all recover from the illusion that what we're experiencing is not miraculous. And that poem, "I can’t imagine it, the stars say. Tell us again about goosebumps. Tell us again about pain." Thank you so much, Rain 🙏🪶
So glad you appreciated their words & the podcast. Loved "... it helped me to see that my prayer for everyone is to have the ability to see through the lens that confronting mortality provides, maybe even without having to be given a terminal or life-limiting diagnosis." Yes, indeed. Having this available to more without having to have this experience is my hope as well. I am fortunate I am able to support others in their work as well. I loved those parts as well. I was walking near some flowers and listening to birds when I was listening to Andrea talk about her sister's experience of clarity and vision and just smiled as I did similar.
I had a similar experience, I happened to be at my desk while I was listening and was watching a Mama Sparrow teaching her two fledging’s how to use the bird-feeder and was just so grateful to be witnessing it... The part where she says “Have you noticed that Mom’s eyes are green?!” 😭 So beautiful
Thank you, Rain! Really looking forward to listening, I’ll report in afterwards 🪶
I loved all of this. And in particular a good day for me to read it. Gratitude.
So happy it resonated, Rain. Always grateful to have you here 🪶✨
Yes, it’s mind boggling, really. I suppose it speaks to the power of fear, and how disconnected fear can make us? We have two amygdala, I believe, one in each hemisphere of the brain. I wonder how each hemisphere relates to fear, if there’s a difference?
Yay for Death the Cosmic Goddess! Rapturous and Universal ♥️🪶
(You can see me feeding tiny goblins any time x)