But I'll bet he never pulled the legs off a spider again... π€The "lesser" angels - Death and Vengeance - are still heavenly creatures... π€π€π€
Oh Chloe, you never fail to enchant me, thank you. Accepting the different parts of us and of experience is a dance I try to learn, when it used to baffle and frustrate my hope for harmony both within and without. π
Mya, thank you so much. It truly is a dance, and Iβm constantly falling out of time. Maybe itβs an interpretative dance! Either way, Iβm honoured to be moving alongside you.
Damn, you can write: "As though that moment was not authentic or truly meaningful unless I was able to sustain the state of peaceful enrapture throughout the day. "
We are encouraged to like three-letter 'yes' more than two-letter, 'no.' But sometimes 'NO' is the best possible response and the most generous and brave of words.
No to spider torture.
No to apologizing for saying no to spider torture.
Yes, to the sparrow in the copse.
From where I stand, you make some excellent choices, dear Chloe.
David, I appreciate you greatly, my friend. Thank you for simplifying it in that way. Itβs been something of a whirlwind in my skull, trying to grapple with what was & wasnβt βokayβ in that scenario. At the end of the day we were both little kids, both carrying a world of hurt, both hurting other beings for reasons we didnβt fully understand. Come to think of it, I guess thatβs playing out on a massive scale the world over, to this day--just in adult bodies.
Anyway, think I might get a bumper sticker made, saying βNo to spider torture. No to apologizing for saying no to spider torture.β
Nov 29, 2023Β·edited Nov 29, 2023Liked by Chloe Hope
I almost feel as though I cannot comment, for fear of not articulating anything of meaning. I stand here, reading and now writing as the bus to work is running late yet again, working on being here in the moment instead of projecting my hurried self into the office to catch up on what most likely is a list of tasks that really do not matter.
I too have felt that sense of a once-calm day being shredded into something it wasn't "meant" to be. Being able to accept that and move along with it is a true gift, Chloe. I strive to be that.
(Please note that I smiled at the thought of you shouting profanities from your car π I hope the van driver at least paused to consider the right of way.
I also hope that the boy with the spider remembers that day and has never done such since.)
I so appreciate you sharing your locale and your feelings, Nathan. Always. Shredded daysβ¦I know them well! They consistently teach me to let go of expectation, and I consistently forget immediately afterβ¦ Van man had no intention of pausing, and so I was put in the position of having to force him to pause π As for the spider boy, I just donβt know. Itβs been quite intense thinking so much about that experience. Looking at it from an adult perspective, I know his Dad was a real bastard and he was probably carrying a lot that he didnβt understand, as was I. Thereβs no part of me thatβs proud for hurting him in the way that I did, though I stand by standing up for the spider. I truly hope that heβs been able to process some of what troubled him, and that no one else was hurt in the process.
It is challenging to accept all of ourselves, especially if we were overburdened in childhood with a need to be "good" at any cost. This piece resonated with me being the type of person who "wouldn't say shit, if he had a mouthful." I love the way you write here about your own challenges to reconcile what your internal voice understands to be right and what the world dictates. I also enjoyed your use of the word "fuckwittery" - both the word and your delicious pronunciation of it.
Thank you, Ben! It certainly is a challenge, feels totally counterintuitive much of the time. I'm glad you enjoyed fuckwittery, feel free to use it to your hearts content :)
Oh Gwen, thatβs a beautiful thing to say, what an honour! Thank you β₯οΈ And yes, I was amazed by how alive my little seven-year-old rage still, yikesβ¦
Iβll admit I have listened to the audio version of your last few posts and at the end of each one I have said out loud to myself: βshe is so fucking goodβ β and this time was no exception.
I so appreciated the acknowledgment of the different sides of ourselves and how often these parts can seem so incongruous to one another that the sheer complexity of what we are and how it all fits together becomes incomprehensible. You captured that beautifully.
I could go on and on talking about different parts I liked and how well you convey them, but just know I was, once again, thoroughly impressed.
Michael! Haha, that's amazing and such high praise, bless you. The incongruous nature of our whole selves is for sure one of the reasons it feels so uncomfortable to fully experience, I think! Thank you so much for reading, I always love to hear your thoughts.
Piping your voice reading these words into my cozy van, before the sun has come to lick up the frost on the leaves out my window or quiet the glow of the string lights over my desk, was my sparrow watching this morning. I felt a swell of tears as the spectrum unfolded. Thank you, Chloe.
Speaking as someone who has spent a little while (and too long) in the world of βbrandingβ, the βwhole selfβ thing is a real spanner in the works! Really screws with the effort to reach a clearly articulated and succinct βvalue propositionβ. π€‘
Iβm grateful for these words Chloe. Having just experienced this evening, in a small way, the kind of exhausting fluctuation you describe, it helps me to remember that a big part of its energy is the reflexive disappointment I feel with myself. That I have somehow failed to be the preferred me. As soon as I notice that, much of its power just buggers off...
Thank you for doing the wonderful work of articulation that you do.
Oh yeah, the whole self is a nightmareβcontradictory parts? No thanks, how untidy, and Iβm British for Gods sake!
That reflexive disappointment can be a bit overwhelming, but can also become a signal to check in and see whether the reaction was appropriate (my yelling at the van man was, and Iβll die on that hill). Not to say Iβm not constantly inappropriately responding to things. Liz Truss used to make me feel murderous for some reason, to the point where I put a picture of her on my altar to practice remembering that she was a human (and thatβs how I learned how bad I am at unconditional compassion π« ). Thank you for reading, Charlie!
I feel your collective emotions from a lifetime of experiences all running like an electrical current pulsing just under your skin.
I am new to your writing.
I close my eyes to listen.
Your voice , a magical conduit for the images formed by your words .
Sometimes I feel you so fragile like the tiny beings you rescue.
Then you surprise me . Your strength becomes a fortress that surrounds the outrageous and defenseless . Your audacious choice of words will definitely become a needed part of my own vocabulary.
At such a young age you wore your heart on your sleeve in defense of the spider.
So much beauty in the unbearable kindness of whispering apologies to the spider.
Though I was a kind ,extremely sensitive child , my earliest memories interacting with nature, was spending hours collecting ants and dropping them into spiderwebs to watch the spider emerge from his silkened cave and embalm his prey.
I would like to say that I was making sure the spider was well fed, but alas I was fascinated by the glory of nature. Shamelessly, I had no words of sorrow for the ants.
Thank you Chloe.Your words are still running with my own currents just under my skin.
Lor, my sincerest thanks for your beautiful words and sharing. Iβm so pleased to have you here. Itβs a complicated thing, being a child in the world, trying to make sense and understand, even just witnessing. Thank you for joining currents with me β‘οΈ
But I'll bet he never pulled the legs off a spider again... π€The "lesser" angels - Death and Vengeance - are still heavenly creatures... π€π€π€
Gosh, I do hope so π€ And, as Troy said, amen π
Amen, brother!
Oh Chloe, you never fail to enchant me, thank you. Accepting the different parts of us and of experience is a dance I try to learn, when it used to baffle and frustrate my hope for harmony both within and without. π
Mya, thank you so much. It truly is a dance, and Iβm constantly falling out of time. Maybe itβs an interpretative dance! Either way, Iβm honoured to be moving alongside you.
I felt every word of this. For those of us who save spiders trapped in tubs, this is a beautiful reminder that we are not alone.
Troy, Iβm relieved to know that, thank you. And thank heavens for every one who goes out of their way to save someone very small.
Damn, you can write: "As though that moment was not authentic or truly meaningful unless I was able to sustain the state of peaceful enrapture throughout the day. "
Quite a compliment from Sherman Alexie, who is not too shabby himself! Enjoy!
You wonβt find me complaining! Thanks, Carol!
Thank you, Sherman!
We are encouraged to like three-letter 'yes' more than two-letter, 'no.' But sometimes 'NO' is the best possible response and the most generous and brave of words.
No to spider torture.
No to apologizing for saying no to spider torture.
Yes, to the sparrow in the copse.
From where I stand, you make some excellent choices, dear Chloe.
Yes!
David, I appreciate you greatly, my friend. Thank you for simplifying it in that way. Itβs been something of a whirlwind in my skull, trying to grapple with what was & wasnβt βokayβ in that scenario. At the end of the day we were both little kids, both carrying a world of hurt, both hurting other beings for reasons we didnβt fully understand. Come to think of it, I guess thatβs playing out on a massive scale the world over, to this day--just in adult bodies.
Anyway, think I might get a bumper sticker made, saying βNo to spider torture. No to apologizing for saying no to spider torture.β
Amazing amazing π» you have such a way with words that always grabs my attention and my heart β€οΈ
And what a heart it is! Thank you, my love π
Aww youβre too kind my love π
Rage, empathy, wonder, all in a short essay. Lovely. How do you do it?
Jeffrey, you're too kind. Thank you so much
I almost feel as though I cannot comment, for fear of not articulating anything of meaning. I stand here, reading and now writing as the bus to work is running late yet again, working on being here in the moment instead of projecting my hurried self into the office to catch up on what most likely is a list of tasks that really do not matter.
I too have felt that sense of a once-calm day being shredded into something it wasn't "meant" to be. Being able to accept that and move along with it is a true gift, Chloe. I strive to be that.
(Please note that I smiled at the thought of you shouting profanities from your car π I hope the van driver at least paused to consider the right of way.
I also hope that the boy with the spider remembers that day and has never done such since.)
I so appreciate you sharing your locale and your feelings, Nathan. Always. Shredded daysβ¦I know them well! They consistently teach me to let go of expectation, and I consistently forget immediately afterβ¦ Van man had no intention of pausing, and so I was put in the position of having to force him to pause π As for the spider boy, I just donβt know. Itβs been quite intense thinking so much about that experience. Looking at it from an adult perspective, I know his Dad was a real bastard and he was probably carrying a lot that he didnβt understand, as was I. Thereβs no part of me thatβs proud for hurting him in the way that I did, though I stand by standing up for the spider. I truly hope that heβs been able to process some of what troubled him, and that no one else was hurt in the process.
Yeah, I hope so too π€
And let's hope van man will eventually learn to pause all by himself ;)
It is challenging to accept all of ourselves, especially if we were overburdened in childhood with a need to be "good" at any cost. This piece resonated with me being the type of person who "wouldn't say shit, if he had a mouthful." I love the way you write here about your own challenges to reconcile what your internal voice understands to be right and what the world dictates. I also enjoyed your use of the word "fuckwittery" - both the word and your delicious pronunciation of it.
Thank you, Ben! It certainly is a challenge, feels totally counterintuitive much of the time. I'm glad you enjoyed fuckwittery, feel free to use it to your hearts content :)
Your writing ruins me in the best way each time. I am so grateful for you β₯οΈ P.S. I am incandescent about the spider too. Love you!
Oh Gwen, thatβs a beautiful thing to say, what an honour! Thank you β₯οΈ And yes, I was amazed by how alive my little seven-year-old rage still, yikesβ¦
Hola , Γste Relato Es Una Belleza , Durante DΓ©cadas He Construido Casas Para Aves , En MΓ Casa Tengo Bastantes Γrboles Frutales , Y Cientos De Hermosos Pinos , Cada Uno De Ellos Tienen Su Casa Con Comida Y Agua. Es Un Placer Escuchar Y Observar Γstos MagnΓficos Animales. Y Sobre El Maltrato Animal Lo Mejor Que Se Puede Hacer Por Ellos Es Convertirse En Vegano , Es Bueno Para TΓΊ Salud Y Mejor TodavΓa Para El Planeta. Un Saludo.
Eso es hermoso, gracias por compartir. TambiΓ©n nos encanta hacer casas para pΓ‘jaros. No hay nada como tener un jardΓn lleno de pΓ‘jaros. Muchas gracias por leer
Chloe, youβve done it again!
Iβll admit I have listened to the audio version of your last few posts and at the end of each one I have said out loud to myself: βshe is so fucking goodβ β and this time was no exception.
I so appreciated the acknowledgment of the different sides of ourselves and how often these parts can seem so incongruous to one another that the sheer complexity of what we are and how it all fits together becomes incomprehensible. You captured that beautifully.
I could go on and on talking about different parts I liked and how well you convey them, but just know I was, once again, thoroughly impressed.
Great piece, Chloe!
Michael! Haha, that's amazing and such high praise, bless you. The incongruous nature of our whole selves is for sure one of the reasons it feels so uncomfortable to fully experience, I think! Thank you so much for reading, I always love to hear your thoughts.
Piping your voice reading these words into my cozy van, before the sun has come to lick up the frost on the leaves out my window or quiet the glow of the string lights over my desk, was my sparrow watching this morning. I felt a swell of tears as the spectrum unfolded. Thank you, Chloe.
Oh, I love picturing that cozy scene, thank you so much for sharing it, Holly.
thank you - made me sadly happy. permission.
happy to hear that, Tom, thank you
Speaking as someone who has spent a little while (and too long) in the world of βbrandingβ, the βwhole selfβ thing is a real spanner in the works! Really screws with the effort to reach a clearly articulated and succinct βvalue propositionβ. π€‘
Iβm grateful for these words Chloe. Having just experienced this evening, in a small way, the kind of exhausting fluctuation you describe, it helps me to remember that a big part of its energy is the reflexive disappointment I feel with myself. That I have somehow failed to be the preferred me. As soon as I notice that, much of its power just buggers off...
Thank you for doing the wonderful work of articulation that you do.
Oh yeah, the whole self is a nightmareβcontradictory parts? No thanks, how untidy, and Iβm British for Gods sake!
That reflexive disappointment can be a bit overwhelming, but can also become a signal to check in and see whether the reaction was appropriate (my yelling at the van man was, and Iβll die on that hill). Not to say Iβm not constantly inappropriately responding to things. Liz Truss used to make me feel murderous for some reason, to the point where I put a picture of her on my altar to practice remembering that she was a human (and thatβs how I learned how bad I am at unconditional compassion π« ). Thank you for reading, Charlie!
I feel your collective emotions from a lifetime of experiences all running like an electrical current pulsing just under your skin.
I am new to your writing.
I close my eyes to listen.
Your voice , a magical conduit for the images formed by your words .
Sometimes I feel you so fragile like the tiny beings you rescue.
Then you surprise me . Your strength becomes a fortress that surrounds the outrageous and defenseless . Your audacious choice of words will definitely become a needed part of my own vocabulary.
At such a young age you wore your heart on your sleeve in defense of the spider.
So much beauty in the unbearable kindness of whispering apologies to the spider.
Though I was a kind ,extremely sensitive child , my earliest memories interacting with nature, was spending hours collecting ants and dropping them into spiderwebs to watch the spider emerge from his silkened cave and embalm his prey.
I would like to say that I was making sure the spider was well fed, but alas I was fascinated by the glory of nature. Shamelessly, I had no words of sorrow for the ants.
Thank you Chloe.Your words are still running with my own currents just under my skin.
Lor, my sincerest thanks for your beautiful words and sharing. Iβm so pleased to have you here. Itβs a complicated thing, being a child in the world, trying to make sense and understand, even just witnessing. Thank you for joining currents with me β‘οΈ