"Deeply loving anyone, or anything, comes with such enormous risk. And yet, we do it."
I love this---loved reading about your connection to your David-love! Warmed my heart, made me feel what real life is in all its wondrous intuitive connections---steady, steady on---beautuful stuff. Facing fears.
Your stories of life, death & birds fill me with joy somehow. Not the giddy stuff, which is cool too, but like I'm being open-arm welcomed into that great big circle of knowing that the best things are so often found in small moments, in endurances, in staying connected to each other. To be bonded, to feel understandings wordlessly, to just know; to choose to live wide awake moment by moment; to be a warrior at heart toward life & death; tending gently and wisely to living beings in need. Thank you, Chloe, you leave me full of joy...
Toni, your words leave me with so much joy. That you feel like “being open-arm welcomed into that great big circle of knowing that the best things are so often found in small moments, in endurances, in staying connected to each other.” - THAT fills me with joy, that we get to reconnect to the sacrality of the small moments together, that makes all the feelings of fear and shame and self-judgment that seem to naturally accompany this venue fall away. Thank you so much Toni, I’m so so grateful that you’re here ♥️
Beautifully expressed, Chloe. I do like the idea of a pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood Death, but have been favoring Death as a View more recently: "And then it seemed to him as in his dream, the grey rain-curtain turned all to silver glass and was rolled back, and he beheld white shores and beyond them a far green country under a swift sunrise." (Tolkien) That's nice, isn't it? 💜
Thank you, Troy. And yes, that’s very nice! I very much hope that’s exactly what dying is like :)
It’s funny, really, how we humans like to come up with personifications of everything. But a View, yes, a shift in perspective or lens, makes much more sense 💜
It is SOOOO cool that a group of sparrows is called a crew!
I think it’s great you named Norman (even if the rules prohibit it).
And I found the rest of your story - about David and your acknowledgment that you still struggle with the idea of death even though it is something you write about - a beautiful and honest insight into the nuanced and complex nature of death. You sharing that death it is still something you grapple with despite your knowledge of it, is one (of the many) reasons why you I hope you continue with your substack.
Crew is a good one, right? I feel like it really suits them.
The naming rule is quite consistently broken, tbh, it's just so difficult not to, especially the little ones who've grown up almost entirely in our care.
Thank you, Michael. Nuanced & complex is exactly it. And I guess it's like anything that has some charge to it - our relationship to it will change, over time but sometimes even on a daily basis, depending on circumstance, how well resourced we are in ourselves, and no doubt a whole host of other things!
Thanks again, I'll continue, for sure, we'll see how it shifts over time; it's just interesting how strong the part of me that finds it 'too much' is, I'm hoping it'll relax over time 🤞
I’m struggling to find the words layered and heartfelt enough to convey how listening to you and David’s story landed in me Chloe. Exquisite and beautiful and so raw too. So profoundly grateful for you and your offerings ♥️.
Thank you, Amanda, your words always mean so much to me. And thank you for listening! I wasn't sure if anyone would, it was a huge step out of my comfort zone, and for about four hours after knowing it had posted I was deeply regretting including the audio. This whole Substack thing gives a lot of opportunity to practice letting go (and has highlighted how excruciating I find that practice). All great lessons. I'm just so grateful to have met some soul family like yourself along the way, makes it all worth it ♥️🪶
I loved hearing your voice and your storytelling was lovely and heartfelt. The vulnerability of telling one’s own story in person is such a blessing for us listeners. Thank you 🙏. Your courage is inspiring. Much love 🫶🏼
I chose to read this whilst nursing a cup of sticky honey chai. I saw the email in my inbox earlier, but it seemed appropriate to wait until now, when I knew I could clasp my favourite mug between my hands and be warmed by your words and the chai in a singular moment.
It's a strange thing reading the words of others, sometimes. I haven't been here all that long but I feel as though with each post I know you more, like a story unfolding, even though this is a true story and an ongoing one, and through this post in particular there's such a raft of honesty and feeling. Thank you, for being so open and writing so beautifully and with such flow.
There's no laser eyes here, ever. Just someone who is glad to have made your acquaintance, and now indirectly also David's. A wonderful pic of David, too, as well as the "default position" of you and your friend.
May Norman have a wonderful soft-release, and you and David a wonderful week. As always, I look forward to your next post.
And as I said a while ago (I think), should Australia end up being a place to consider your own soft-release to realms new, I will gladly offer any thoughts on Melbourne that I can.
Oh Nathan, it really means a lot to me that you chose to create a little ritual around reading this, that you honoured it so 💜 thank you
I feel I haven’t been here that long either, and so it feels very odd (amongst a host of other things) to be sharing so openly, but it’s made good by it being received in the way you have. We’re getting to know each other, in different ways, through different means, but we’re getting to sense each other, which seems like a wonderful way to start knowing someone.
Thank you for not laser-eye-ing us! I know we’re all hardwired to invent stories about what we see and to judge, but we’re just two people in love at the end of the day. And, thank you! I took that photo of David in a museum in Austria, and it’s one of my favourites of him.
Thank you again, so much, for your offer—and for the beautiful idea of us having our own soft-release! That’s a genius way to frame to frame our upcoming excursions. Thank you Nathan, your presence here is always so deeply appreciated.
No tail-between-the-legs necessary...feels like the more we embrace death, the more precious life becomes. Your ability to look both of them in the face just makes each one truer, bigger, more catastrophic. I have my own version of Death and David too. We are separated by 13 years, and while his dad just passed at 99 yesterday (and a legacy of 100 yea olds before him) I still can’t fathom life without him. And so while my mind and ego continue cursing death, my body feels the weight of his leg on mine and says Yes, to now. And Yes, to when the weight is only carried in my heart. Big love to you dear Chloe.
Catastrophic is the word. I love the word catastrophic, the idea of turning downward, something forcing you to orient towards the underworld… I appreciate you sharing your own compulsion to curse, and then to love. I wish your Dave’s dad a very peaceful transition. Sending hugs to you, sister x
You have described that fear of losing a partner so incredibly. My husband and I are the same age, but I intend to live to 104, and doesn't think he'll make it. The idea of a world without him is, however, completely unacceptable and unbearable.
Incredibly bright, moving, real, optimistic piece of writing. The world needs your voice, your take on things. Long may it continue. Best Regards, Phoeagdor.
"Deeply loving anyone, or anything, comes with such enormous risk. And yet, we do it."
I love this---loved reading about your connection to your David-love! Warmed my heart, made me feel what real life is in all its wondrous intuitive connections---steady, steady on---beautuful stuff. Facing fears.
Your stories of life, death & birds fill me with joy somehow. Not the giddy stuff, which is cool too, but like I'm being open-arm welcomed into that great big circle of knowing that the best things are so often found in small moments, in endurances, in staying connected to each other. To be bonded, to feel understandings wordlessly, to just know; to choose to live wide awake moment by moment; to be a warrior at heart toward life & death; tending gently and wisely to living beings in need. Thank you, Chloe, you leave me full of joy...
Toni, your words leave me with so much joy. That you feel like “being open-arm welcomed into that great big circle of knowing that the best things are so often found in small moments, in endurances, in staying connected to each other.” - THAT fills me with joy, that we get to reconnect to the sacrality of the small moments together, that makes all the feelings of fear and shame and self-judgment that seem to naturally accompany this venue fall away. Thank you so much Toni, I’m so so grateful that you’re here ♥️
Beautifully expressed, Chloe. I do like the idea of a pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood Death, but have been favoring Death as a View more recently: "And then it seemed to him as in his dream, the grey rain-curtain turned all to silver glass and was rolled back, and he beheld white shores and beyond them a far green country under a swift sunrise." (Tolkien) That's nice, isn't it? 💜
Thank you, Troy. And yes, that’s very nice! I very much hope that’s exactly what dying is like :)
It’s funny, really, how we humans like to come up with personifications of everything. But a View, yes, a shift in perspective or lens, makes much more sense 💜
Oh I love this one so much, especially knowing David and your best friend, warms my heart and makes it smile.. reading all this.
You write so so beautifully Chloe.. ❤️❤️❤️
That means so much, thank you sweetheart. We both adore you ♥️♥️🪶
As courageous as can be.
You are a wonder to behold.
I love you endlessly and always.
My sweetest little love ♥️ What would I do without you...
This was beautiful Chloe.
It is SOOOO cool that a group of sparrows is called a crew!
I think it’s great you named Norman (even if the rules prohibit it).
And I found the rest of your story - about David and your acknowledgment that you still struggle with the idea of death even though it is something you write about - a beautiful and honest insight into the nuanced and complex nature of death. You sharing that death it is still something you grapple with despite your knowledge of it, is one (of the many) reasons why you I hope you continue with your substack.
Crew is a good one, right? I feel like it really suits them.
The naming rule is quite consistently broken, tbh, it's just so difficult not to, especially the little ones who've grown up almost entirely in our care.
Thank you, Michael. Nuanced & complex is exactly it. And I guess it's like anything that has some charge to it - our relationship to it will change, over time but sometimes even on a daily basis, depending on circumstance, how well resourced we are in ourselves, and no doubt a whole host of other things!
Thanks again, I'll continue, for sure, we'll see how it shifts over time; it's just interesting how strong the part of me that finds it 'too much' is, I'm hoping it'll relax over time 🤞
So beautiful as always 💕
Thanks so much lovely 💗
No worries 😌
I’m struggling to find the words layered and heartfelt enough to convey how listening to you and David’s story landed in me Chloe. Exquisite and beautiful and so raw too. So profoundly grateful for you and your offerings ♥️.
Thank you, Amanda, your words always mean so much to me. And thank you for listening! I wasn't sure if anyone would, it was a huge step out of my comfort zone, and for about four hours after knowing it had posted I was deeply regretting including the audio. This whole Substack thing gives a lot of opportunity to practice letting go (and has highlighted how excruciating I find that practice). All great lessons. I'm just so grateful to have met some soul family like yourself along the way, makes it all worth it ♥️🪶
I loved hearing your voice and your storytelling was lovely and heartfelt. The vulnerability of telling one’s own story in person is such a blessing for us listeners. Thank you 🙏. Your courage is inspiring. Much love 🫶🏼
Dear Chloe,
I chose to read this whilst nursing a cup of sticky honey chai. I saw the email in my inbox earlier, but it seemed appropriate to wait until now, when I knew I could clasp my favourite mug between my hands and be warmed by your words and the chai in a singular moment.
It's a strange thing reading the words of others, sometimes. I haven't been here all that long but I feel as though with each post I know you more, like a story unfolding, even though this is a true story and an ongoing one, and through this post in particular there's such a raft of honesty and feeling. Thank you, for being so open and writing so beautifully and with such flow.
There's no laser eyes here, ever. Just someone who is glad to have made your acquaintance, and now indirectly also David's. A wonderful pic of David, too, as well as the "default position" of you and your friend.
May Norman have a wonderful soft-release, and you and David a wonderful week. As always, I look forward to your next post.
And as I said a while ago (I think), should Australia end up being a place to consider your own soft-release to realms new, I will gladly offer any thoughts on Melbourne that I can.
Oh Nathan, it really means a lot to me that you chose to create a little ritual around reading this, that you honoured it so 💜 thank you
I feel I haven’t been here that long either, and so it feels very odd (amongst a host of other things) to be sharing so openly, but it’s made good by it being received in the way you have. We’re getting to know each other, in different ways, through different means, but we’re getting to sense each other, which seems like a wonderful way to start knowing someone.
Thank you for not laser-eye-ing us! I know we’re all hardwired to invent stories about what we see and to judge, but we’re just two people in love at the end of the day. And, thank you! I took that photo of David in a museum in Austria, and it’s one of my favourites of him.
Thank you again, so much, for your offer—and for the beautiful idea of us having our own soft-release! That’s a genius way to frame to frame our upcoming excursions. Thank you Nathan, your presence here is always so deeply appreciated.
Take all the hugs, Chloe 🤗
All that matters is that you're in love with each other.
There's always something special about black and white photos. The lack of colour adds more essence, somehow.
Taking them! 🤗
Yes, I agree, you can sense a little deeper. Black & white magic...
Thank you, Nathan 💕
I love you so much, I could cry I love you so much. Oh wait, I do and I am. Thank you, thank you for being you. I love your brave heart.
You made my heart brave ♥️
Oh and David, I’m so grateful to be blessed with such a caring and insightful brother. Thank you for bringing us all together.
I love your best friend too .. so much 🥹 and through that .. you ❤️
Oh yeah we lucked out with that one! I love you, too, sweetheart 💗
No tail-between-the-legs necessary...feels like the more we embrace death, the more precious life becomes. Your ability to look both of them in the face just makes each one truer, bigger, more catastrophic. I have my own version of Death and David too. We are separated by 13 years, and while his dad just passed at 99 yesterday (and a legacy of 100 yea olds before him) I still can’t fathom life without him. And so while my mind and ego continue cursing death, my body feels the weight of his leg on mine and says Yes, to now. And Yes, to when the weight is only carried in my heart. Big love to you dear Chloe.
Catastrophic is the word. I love the word catastrophic, the idea of turning downward, something forcing you to orient towards the underworld… I appreciate you sharing your own compulsion to curse, and then to love. I wish your Dave’s dad a very peaceful transition. Sending hugs to you, sister x
This is just so beautiful.
I just listened to this with my husband. You read so well. It was beautiful .
I so loved that you listened together! Thank you so much for letting me know that 🙏 and for your kind words about my reading, thank you again, Jo.
You have described that fear of losing a partner so incredibly. My husband and I are the same age, but I intend to live to 104, and doesn't think he'll make it. The idea of a world without him is, however, completely unacceptable and unbearable.
"Unacceptable", is the most perfect word for it, Jo. I'm touched that the piece resonated with you.
Thank you for being here 🪶
Incredibly bright, moving, real, optimistic piece of writing. The world needs your voice, your take on things. Long may it continue. Best Regards, Phoeagdor.
Wow, thank you for such encouraging words! They mean a lot. As does your reading it. 🙏
Wow. I really enjoyed this. And David in a midnight blue velvet suit gave me a nice smile that grew into a laugh 🙏🏼- you’re a fine writer Chloe
He still has the jacket. He'll wear it for you someday. Thank you for such kind words, James. 💗